Well its Thursday, time to get up-close with Mr Retrosexual here on the Retrosexual’s corner. Hope you had an amazing holiday. As for me, I had a perfect time away from the noise and Euro-bond tales. Where I come from life is full of drama, you might be tempted to think that the late Wahome Mutahi who was one of the best actors and writers under the sun was buried right in the middle of our homestead. Away from that I really appreciate all the damsels next door fOr keeping up with this jerk, as we crossed over the new year at ACK church in Homabay town with Jerome Wakimani, in my mind I wrote down my resolutions. Topping the list is to continue bathing with the same soap I use to wash clothes and plates. I swore to keep team Retrosexual on their feet .Yes am made of black, no apologies. Its 2016 and there are some type of ladies you should drop today if not tomorrow, that forms the basis of our story today, Shall we begin.
The chimney ladies:
Out in the streets some of my friends say that women are biologically and genetically ungrateful, ungrateful of the space they have in the society in this century. You see back then after man invented fire, smoking was largely a preserve for the men who were then allowed to put on trousers, a woman smoking would be either exiled from the village or a serious beating in the head. But then things have changed, you walk in the streets and meet some two legged animal with weave on her head, no ring on her finger, a red trouser and a green top, before you mistake her for a walking carrot smoke comes out of her nostrils. I don’t care what you smoke, be it Shisha or Sportsman. I might not have a soft spot for Njoki Chege because of the blue Subaru ride but I will agree with her that “Shisha girls are undesirable, rough and have completely lost respect for themselves.” With a huge potbelly they think seating down with a pot of Shisha is fun. A normal man in his right senses should avoid such type of ladies this year
The “Taken ladies ” Who just want you to remain single:
I find such ladies really annoying, over the weekend they are on Instagram with their bae, they are in town with their uncles or are out with their men. You are a single chap in your early twenties wondering when your lucky day will come. Monday is here and the taken ladies are all around demanding for your time and attention. When they get a wind of you having a running mate or a coalition partner they behave like popcorn, they stop texting you on WhatsApp, they stop picking your calls, come on! Cant a nigga wife somebody? Look, am not a relationship coach. Am just a Retrosexual, championing an agenda but I can tell you for free that there is no love from the heart out there man. Most of these ladies want love from the banks, pockets and Merika hotel, such ladies are worth avoiding this year. Come on man, move on with your life if you are blessed to have a running mate, close your ears on all other selfish ladies who will talk ill about how “Umewalenga sababu umepata attatcher” .They wont stop talking, in fact they will accuse you of any bad omen in their life, from the bad days to all the sins ever committed on earth, talk of the deal of Sadam,Obama,Mandela ,the end of their favorite Tellenovela series on Bamba Tv. The only crime they will not accuse you of is the Murder of Jesus Christ.
And of course its January,that month when papers with Moi or Kenyatta pictures on them magically gets put of sight,as a Retrosexual’s am very much aware that when February come i will have to loose some friends ,those men who are planning their weddings and are already designing contribution cards,those ladies who want a valentine dinner.As a matter of fact,these ladies most of them should not even buy cloths as January dictates,come on baby share tops with your daughter or your friends kids and save that money to buy yourself a red dress next month .I need to end it here today,shout out to that Gichugu Member of parliament who ended 2015 on a high by launching two electricity polls.
Have a beautiful year team Retrosexual’s and of course we welcome more men and women to the corner.We are on twitter @KoyoOdongo and @MagazineReel ,Comment on the comment box with the campus you are representing where you are reading from.