No warnings please,am a Retrosexual
Time to get up close with Mr Retrosexual here on your weekly top read #RetrosexualsCorner. Its really been along week,things have happened. Rest in peace to the Kenyan soldiers killed in Somalia, I join the families in prayers. Mr President I know you don’t want the capital city of Kenya shifted to Mombasa, kindly come back to Nairobi .This week too, at Njoro and some parts of the nation, there has been heavy rains. Rain falling in January tells you that its not business as usual, the gods have spoken. This week too I have spent long hours on Facebook reading posts, I have been on twitter ,on WhatsApp ,I have also been out in the streets for hours .All through these I noted a serious problem with ladies in a specific age group. Ladies born between 1994-1997 have something in common, unless they change there ways, they will evoke the female ancestors and they know better what that means.They form our discussion today.
Ladies born between 1994-1997 have this crazy feeling that they know all about fashion, earlier this week I had a weird encounter with one who had nothing to say about me away from insisting that I should wait till valentine to put on My red trouser, white t-shirt and my red pair of shoes! Now let me take you back to the garden of Eden, after Eve gave Adam the forbidden fruit, the pair realized that they were naked, they then plucked leaves and Eve made a micro miniskirt, ain’t sure what Adam made but I know it covered his Manhood. When the wander of this world realized that Eve was proving to be a fashionista, he hurriedly chased the pair away.From then ,Most of Us Men have always been dressing to cover our body parts while Women are more into fashion .So when she mentioned Valentine it sounded like the funniest Joke I have ever heard since Uhuru Kenyatta took over Power from Baba Jimmy. One thing is for sure though, I have been around for long enough, I have issues to think of, in fact about 99 issues to attend to ,fashion is not one of them!
For the better part of my time as man of letters, I have never paid attention to the Nairobian,s Berryl Itindi and her war against the Man downstairs Tony Mochama. But recently I bumped into one of her stories, I cant recall the content but I remember this line “Am not against weave, I too buy them, but only black ones. Ladies Because ladies like Minaj and Beyonce do Red weaves so you too should try them out” .’That’s the best Line I have ever read From Itindi the noisemaker. But here come the 1994-1997 ladies, tell her to about that and you shall have committed an historical injustice.They spend time online mostly on sites with Nigerian accessories .Come on,who looks upto Nigerian Ladies for Fashion!! They walk out there in red weaves,Pink ,blue weaves looking like a poorly assembled scarecrow in the middle of a sorghum plantation ,you mention this and they gang up against you.Whats more interesting is that they are guided by anger hence resort to using erotic words defending themselves not knowing that they are telling themselves naked.
Watch out what you say on WhatsApp,Facebook and Twitter,20 years from now you will see that screenshot in a boardroom meeting,trust me,you might not thank me now but that time you surely will. You are in your early twenties or late teens ,you still struggle with influence of your mother language in both spoken and written speech yet you call yourself a diva! .Come on stop abusing the drugs you are abusing! At this age you ought to have known your problems and how to deal with them.
In this case you should talk less ,write less and use more of sign language because out in they streets ,there is no time for figuring out what you are trying to mean.I was raised in the village back in Homabay and that is where I head back to so as to draw the wisdom of my ancestors when I feel weak, I know that having been raised on Omena heads , I at times have the audacity to comfortably place an ‘S’ where ‘Sh’ is needed, I tell you for free, I have that in mind all the time I speak,every-time I write or Engage my friends on WhatsApp or Twitter, I ensure I have gone through the message am about to post having in mind that there are people out there waiting for that simple mistake to write a movie script out of it.
So brace up,accept your phonological problems and deal with them after that you can now try and tag yourself a Diva. Enough of the two legged female animals ,now we end the column today with something small about some two legged male animals. Some few men who feel uncomfortable when you keep silent and when you talk a sentence they are out there calling you names! Its said that no matter how long a mans head can be, on top of it is the head.I find men who can’t control their emotions so childish. In-fact when January ends I promise to buy each of them diapers so they can control themselves.
On that note,its a wrap.Till next week .Lets keep talking on the comment box, share your views .Represent your campus on the Retrosexual’s Corner.You can also hit us up on Twitter @KoyoOdongo and @MagazineReel