A Night in the University in all its diversity as characterizes a typical campus has always been esoteric, but not to the writer’s pen. The gradual but sure culmination of events right through the heart of the night till its exterior end (read morning) is-as you’re going to discover today- marred with life all through. Absurd I should say marred with life. Life that permeates and bosses the darkest of hours, morning comes and the life recedes to pave way for the second rate activities that we nowadays call life. At night there is life. Not everyone sleeps past eleven at night. Now you know.
Hour 1- The Disappearing Pairs (11-12)
There are more pairs using the pavements at this hour than any other time in the day. Actually they shouldn’t be just pairs as such, pairs of the opposite sexes. Movement is random and confused only to the observer’s eye and the only certain thing about it is that it happens on the hostel pavements. There are more giggles per minute than the number of digits in one’s registration number and as the pairs move out of sight, you’ll realize that the directions taken are just as spontaneous as they are random. Pairs disappear into hostels and more pairs into the cover of darkness. The male hostels have it, and tonight shall see tens of innocents men bear the brunt of loud love-making whilst under the cover of their blankets, twisting and turning as if themselves in the frenzied activity inches away.
Not all pairs disappear into hostels. I mentioned the cover of darkness, to escape the sharp floodlight eyes that our security department saw fit to erect near hostels. Now less audacious pairs will just narrow down on dark corner and flood the earth with their-literally rolling on the grass, love-let-loose. You are not surprised because you’ve been there I understand. You are not however that cowardly. That’s just my guess, don’t take it you are not worth it. Pairs that make love in the open (the night makes it closed) have one thing in common. Here’s the denominator…,
‘’Hey bana, Derroh si uniokolee ile Crisis ssn1’’
‘’Iyo itakua noma, ata me niliomba tu’’
‘’Sawa ntamwomba ata mimi’’
Now lift this context and torture it till it fits in the pairs that cannot head to hostels and get distracted all night. Ni ya kuomba tu, no strings attached. You had earlier agreed to have been there once, don’t deny it now.
Hour 2-The Agedian Girl and a Drunk Idiot (12-1)
Enter Hesborn’s Agedian girl who only knows Kilimo as a lecture hall. In this hour the kitchenettes are relatively less congested. They are actually unoccupied, save for Mukangala’s boiler of a sufuria doing a nightshift on beans and maize. He is sleeping now, but will wake up in a few hours to come and monitor the proceedings. All other coils are vacant.
Now the Agedian girl has in the last hour just finished the last of eight practical write-ups that are all due tomorrow. In all honesty, she’s been busy and this is the only time she can find for extra-curricular activities-cooking being the only one she knows of. Such innocence. So she has arrived, heavily armed as pertains to making a meal out of Njokerio bitter herbs and a ka quarter.
A drunk joins her in the kitchenette. He has only a sufuria in his possession but has come to cook alright.
‘’Sasa nyanya ntapikia nini?’’
*he’s given half the Agedian girl’s kales, this time with cooking oil to help avert further questions*
*while cooking whatever he now has, he narrates*
‘’unajua.., me si mbaya…, pombe ndo mbaya’’
‘’Mbona unaikunywa basi?’’
‘’si ivo venye unafikiria.., unajua ata wewe ukiitiwa Jebel ka tatu hivi Amazon huezi kataa.., ni …,’’
He’ll go on and on until his kales are ready only to realize that such food only goes down with something like kuon-ugali. So he’ll wait for the Agedian girl to finish cooking her kuon after which the kind hearted lady will give him a slice.
They’ll both leave but only the Agedian girl knows the way back to her hostels. The drunk will position himself outside the Kitchenette and have his meal there. With the sufuria beside him, he’ll complete the rest of the night there.
Hour 3- Night Olympians- (1 to 2)
Enter two pairs of dangling testicles. This is their time. Naked homo sapiens roaming the Admin pavements at neck-break speeds. This night sees a recruit, not in that literal sense. He has been night running alright, but that he did while at home, and campus streets are new waters. He needs orientation. They run past the cow ranch, testis finally free from daytime captivity in week-long unwashed boxers. And buttocks clatter (I don’t know the meaning of that word).
‘’You don’t use bulls here?’’
‘’well, we used to, but not currently’’
‘’It’s a long story.., let’s finish this first lap first. I’ll tell you’’
‘’back home, we have a black heifer, we take turns on it’’
‘’You have a way I’d say, I’ll tell you why we don’t use campus cows to run about, our founding father here I was told, was such a vicious rider of cows, expert actually.’’
*they’ve done six laps of the main campus pavements*
‘’so one day he takes a wrong cow, an expectant one from the school ranch’’
‘’It died during the run?’’
‘’Nope, it delivered right outside the school administration block, you can imagine what a bloody affair that must have been’’
‘’So he was caught you mean?’’
‘’No, we’ve never been caught night running. He had to cut short the night’s business and be a midwife right outside the admin block at 2 am. The calf died however, he was a great rider of cows but definitely not the best midwife for cows. The school had to do with a cow less from the ranch.’’
‘’Whoa, that’s quite a story’’
*they pace down a bit and prepare for the final lap*
Exit the Night-runners
Hour 4-Chief Drunkards- (2 to 3)
Well, they’re just drunkards making that very long trip from Amazon to their hostels. They’ll shout Luo and Kikuyu unprintables just to harmonize the silence that is death at this hour (okay some shout kamba too, am just not sure if they’re obscenities too). They pass in battalions depending on which geographical location one comes from. Kambas will go first, they Okuyus will follow suit, shouting at anything that moves-sometimes those that don’t move like trees are shouted at too. There has to be a noisy female in every one of these groups that make drinking such an unlikeable endeavor. Luos will come last and on a good day, only one of them will be able to move three metres upright. Usually all are dead drunk and I can assure you nothing’s as entertaining as watching a drunk escort an equal drunk. They are the only group that will still be having Jameson and Bluemoon half-filled bottles.
Exit the drunkards
Hour 5-Night Olympians Again, Homestretch- (3 to 4)
Enter the night runners on their homestretch, the final hundred metres.
‘’Wow, that was nice’’
‘’You won’t be saying that daily I hope. Because that’s just how it goes down here in the university.’’
‘’Am even tempted to try the upcoming Lewa Marathon’’
‘’Hey! Dare not. Our business is night business, nothing more nothing less. Where’d you say you come from again?’’
‘’okay, I get it.’’
They bid each other byes and disappear into their respective hostels.
Exit the night runners
Hour 6-Early Walks of Shame- (4 to 5)
One half of each disappearing couple from hour 1 will take up this early chance to avoid the common walk of shame, dubbed after the morning walks by females from male hostels. Walks which, if you allow me, are more embarrassing than scoring one in a cat exam (continue reading, am not pointing fingers now). The room-mates that twisted and turned all through their sleep finally can have an hour or two of peaceful sleep.
So from the very depths of male hostels you’ll see veiled ladies emerging, with the speed of an ostrich and the blindness of bat, stumble upon few steps before gaining composure and realizing that its only five am, so the morning is theirs and theirs alone.
Enter the Agedian girl to prepare a meal that should sustain her for all the hours of daylight. If she wakes up later than this, she risks staying hungry the whole day.