Hello team exile! This had to be my number one! It is totally okay to let one roommate ‘walk around’ campus while you and your sweetie have the room but throwing three roommates and four pirates is not only embarrassing but just embarrassing. I mean, it’s like a Rugby 7’s team knowing who you are gonna bang ,imagine the stares she gets when the seven-a -side team plus their clan bump into her along Njokerio road. Exilers may help introverts get a chance to visit the Buruburu TV room yet again the thought of extending past stipulated time is eerie. Ain’t nothing as annoying as knocking the door seventy times seven without response.
2. Freeze my love, freeze.
Mapenzi ya baridi.*chuckles*Love is good. Love is kind. Love is definitely patient. The patience it takes to cuddle in the cold of the night on those KCB benches is incredible yawa. I understand it’s hard to leave bae, neither is recovering from pneumonia. What if a snake happens to bite you when you are encrypted to a bush ?Cut down the loose ends on your keep- left in relationship and let the cold catch you on your way from the Library.
3. Kukaa tu
This one is a classic. Have you ever called your friend at noon and they told you ‘Nimekaa tu’. They are not reading, not sleeping neither are they eating. Amekaa tu.This habit of idling is not so good for a campus student. It is not so impressive getting a grown up sitting on a chair in the middle of the room ‘just sitting’ and staring at the blank ceiling. I mean, even kids sleep when they have nothing to do.
4. Freeze and shine
Ladies where ya at? I know we are comfortable in showing our perfect skin but donning a sleeveless peplum without a jacket on a cold morning will bring you pneumonia! Trench coats were invented for this weather in Njoro and that is why they are sold at Maish’s Boutique in Njokerio. Pay him a visit and tell him referred you so that I can get a discount when I visit next.
5. Kuomba chumvi kitchenette
This line would have lost its meaning had I written it in English but there is this annoying lot of shopping phobic students (mostly guys) who haven’t contemplated that ‘ngumu’ and salt are actually the same price! A lady who does this is a disgrace to womanhood. This guy, let us call him Njoro, will not only ask for your salt at the same time everyday but also have the audacity to make courtesy calls.”Sasa mrembo, uko na salt?” is his preferred pick up line. Woe unto you if he becomes your regular and crams your face. This could be a potential husband but then again the thought of having to run to your neighbor’s when salt runs out disqualifies him automatically.
6. Wi-Fi Abusers
Hello Brother, you accumulated your loan and bought a laptop. Bingo! Now, are you going to download ten episodes of Arrows and the Rwanda Genocide documentary at the same damn time! Some of us just want to blog and do away with it. Kindly consider the welfare of other users. There is a reason it is free and public you know.
7. Earphone singers and Loudspeaker ‘mumus’
Guilty as charged. Come on! Sometimes the song is just too sweet all you want to do is sing along. Except singing a Taylor swift song with your Suzanna Owiyo key hurts the ear. Some people have perfected the art of using the loudspeaker, anywhere! It’s no fun cooking in the kitchenette and a Pumwani choir fan spoils your mood with loud music from an Itel phone. Manners, sir, manners please.
Until next time, long live Egerton!