Dear Future Husband?
Oh ye most sought after fair lad; I hope this finds you in good health and sound mind. Your humble maiden has word for you. No, scratch that. That sounds like some line from a lover’s letter in some ancient book probably with the rest of it in Elizabethan English. Ooohh well, how else would you know I have a thing for literature, and poetry and written words and spoken too. I love language and eloquence too.
Sorry I digressed, I have picked that habit. It comes with my character. Okay, let’s give this another shot…
Hey Love, Future Father of our babies?
I hope this finds you in bed in my favorite boxers nursing a hangover. And maybe the most polite thing at this point is to say that there is and will be no judging between the two of us. And with that out of the way, let me proceed to say that drinking is not bad as long as you don’t end up mugged or dead, or both. God forbid. That won’t happen till we make babies, and cute ones at that. With your hair but my hairline, with your teeth and our dimples. We will decide whose brains will be passed on to our kids, but most probably yours since I might lose my mind soon thinking about you.
Or maybe this will find you busy catching up on your sports on sky sport or just reading some weird crap online. Perhaps it will find you watching something, provided it is not The Big Bang Theory. Not because I don’t like it but contrary to that. That series is our thing, and will always be. And that means we have to be together to watch it. Watching it alone is a crime, punishable by… I will think of a punishment that is beneficial to us both, if you catch my drift. And maybe I should put it out there that I have perfected the art of imitating Penny, you know, that look of hers. You better have those silly Sheldon Cooper jokes at your fingertips.
If you reading this letter now, you should be flattered at the thought of someone constantly having you in mind. Or maybe not, because I’m not all that. I don’t have a full bosom. And neither am I endowed with a round ass that stretches from here to Timbuktu. But I’m told that I am beautiful, with a lovely smile and cute dimples and endlessly long sexy legs. Not my words, just reporting what has been said occasionally by males and females alike, the few I have encountered.
I hope you find me beautiful with my flaws and all. I have never worn make-up and I don’t intend to, because I know you hate it. My hair is short and weaves have never caught my attention. I hope you can love me regardless of my weakness. For I am not ideal for you but you are to and for me. You are not without fault but your imperfections make you perfect.
If you think this is for you, then red should be your favorite color. I love red and you too should. I love it when you in red, your red shirts and your khaki pants and red loafers too. I hope this doesn’t make me sound like a control freak or a stalker. I like your shaggy hair but shaving it won’t make me love you less. Love of my life, I hope you are keen on taking care of your body, for you and even more for me. I want the feel of security every time I lay my head on your bare chest with your strong arms around me. This is me asking you to start going to the gym. You can’t blame a lady for having silly fantasies.
My darling, I am sorry I have nothing much to offer at this point of my life. I’m just a little broke girl. How unfair life is, don’t you think? But society demands that you be the one offering more but I too feel the need to surprise you once in a while, with my knowledge of your likes and like-nots. Sacrifices, they call them.
Boo, tell me that next year, next season we joining or is it signing up for Fantasy Premier League? Please say yes, and if you do be prepared to be my teacher on football matters. I only know Aguero, Negredo, Silva and Podolski. You can blame it on my liking for City and Arsenal. Don’t frown now; did you expect me to support Manchester United because you do? No, not happening. And since you are keen on rugby, a Kenya7s jersey for you will be awesome too. Agreed?
They say love is blind but I hold my thoughts contrary to that since if it were so love wouldn’t have hit the mark that you are to me.
“My love as deep; the more I give to thee
The more I have, for both are infinite.”
Boo Boo, this mail is not rhetorical, I await a reply, with an answer to whose words I have quoted above. And till we get to see eye to eye, think of me as I do of you. And lest you forget, I love you, and always will.
Yours in love,
Future mother of our babies.