No warnings please, am a retro sexual.
Last week Thursday it was the Valentines’ revelation, a revelation that got Egerton ladies at the back of their feet. Coming to terms with the reality that they are the most unromantic in the nation is something most of the damsels couldn’t take.
This week a lot of things have happened at Egerton University, ‘interalia’, Ben Mapesa was officially elected a class-rep, Fredrick Oginga finally bought a Smart phone, E.K moved to the analogue platform with a matchbox sized ‘forme’ handset.Well, Retrosexuals undercover reporter also went underground to reveal the shocking diary of Egerton socialite.
On Monday, an Egerton socialite wakes up, grabs her mirror and looks at her goofy reflection for 30 minutes as if God was doing a re-run of creation overnight. She then takes a shower before making numerous phone calls. The last person she calls is her class-rep, to inquire where the class will be at before staging a cat walk to Holland hall, Kilimo hall or B2.
Inside the lecture room, the socialite does not always bother writing notes. Immediately she places her bum’s down, she starts lamenting on how the lecture is damn boring. How the sun is so hot. Finally she walks out of the room swaying her hips in a manner likely to attract the attention of all ‘including that honest bible study pastor who sits at the front view of the lecture hall’.
On Tuesday ,she sleeps till 11am. She wakes up and heads straight for her phone, makes one shocking call:
“Hey John, like seriously, imagine ‘bado nimelala’, ‘si unikujie na chipo ya 50 bob'”
Who does that in the morning???. So it’s true ,an Egerton socialite dreams of chips and ‘Odhis Tatton’. The chips is surely brought and she clears the plate in five minutes. The poor guy (John) who brought the goodie is left talking to her roommates as she heads to shower.
She comes back screaming, lamenting of the cold Tatton water, cursing the very day she joined the university
“Ghai, ‘aki hio maji ni baridi Shiko’, like ‘sitaoga nayo tena’ ,imagine ‘mimi, nabeba maji kwa besheni, na ni maji baridi’,,Lol!”
Today she is paying her fellow associate a visit. She is visiting her friend at Mama Ngina hostel, they plan to talk about the new ladies in the industry and how they can stamp their authority amidst the rising stiff competition.
Wednesday is a busy day for an Egerton socialite as compared to the other days. She wakes up relatively early, she does not takes that cold shower. She gets into her transparent micro miniskirt, throws on her high low ship-on to ensure that the tattoo on her tummy is seen. For once, she puts on low healed shoes.
It’s a tough cup, she is on her way to Njokerio at a terrific pace, she wants to be the first one at the saloon. We all know that the wig on a ladies head is her hair as long as he paid for it. After close to seven hours at the saloon, she grabs some ‘Sukuma’ for the road. The week cannot end without “Kuskuma wiki na sukuma wiki”, a meal she takes when all the windows to her room are shut not to mention the door.
Thursday is here, she wakes up to a cold shower, walks over to the shop for some ‘Kangumu’. She then borrows a heater next door and prepares to break the fast. After breakfast ,she is back to bed, not to sleep, its selfie moments. She takes several pics:
“Instagram, WhatsApp, Facebook watanitambua leo, sana sana yule upcoming socialite atajua tumekaa hapa miaka mingi”,she whispers as she uploads an almost nude picture on Instagram.
On Friday the big day, she wakes up, makes her bed before grabbing her mirror to glance at her reflection. Today she walks all the way to ‘Jamia’ to break fast. She then makes three calls. One to the taxi driver. The second to her associate and business partner and the third to her uncle in town.
At exactly noon, she is ready to go, its business Friday and everything from her hair to shoes talk business.
Egerton University being a world class varsity, boasts of producing students fit for all corners of life. Perhaps one more thing should be done, the plight of these upcoming socialites from this premier agricultural institution should be taken into consideration.
Egerton socialites also have a dream. A dream to have ‘Vera Sidika or Hudah Monroe to give a lectures on Socialites 101!. Whether that dream will come to pass, only the SUEU Director Special Programmes (if he or she exists) and Mr.(Prof)Tuitoek can tell.