I’ve often wondered, just how much space is too much space in a relationship? And how little can be termed as crowding your partner’s space? The latter shall be discussed on another day. However the question at hand is for those of you in non-relationships. You are together only by name. Here’s the fruit my research bore, and I’d like to thank everyone who patiently answered my questions not knowing what they were to be used for *insert evil grin*
So let’s start with the obvious; Face Time
How often do you and your partner meet? Are you in the same area? If yes, when was the last time you saw him/her regardless of your busy schedules? Do they have free time? What are they using it for? Partying? Travel? Chilling with the boys/girls? Do they spare any for you? Make plans and actually come through? No? Let them take a seat and explain exactly where they want to be because it clearly isn’t with you.
Fine, you have your exams, or some important deadline but you check your call logs and message inboxes and the last you heard from each other was days ago? In my opinion, a nigga don’t talk to you in three days he may well be dead. Well, unless you both decided it’s time for a break, no harm, no foul.
Six months you’ve been dating and you don’t know where your partner lives. Why? What is the answer each time you suggest a visit? You could probably be the dreaded “home wrecker” or “adulterer” all unwittingly. Because you are in love and you refuse to believe this person may be dishonest. All you know about their living space is “it’s some estate in South C”. Come on, do you need a billboard?
Have you been introduced to the friends? What about the family? As whom? Do you have a title or are you just “so and so” after a year or more? The people everybody seeks approval from most are their families and when they are serious about something say a project, or someone, a relationship, the family and friends are informed. So ask yourself these questions, then ask them. Chances are, your partner doesn’t want to commit or you’ve given the impression that you are a passer-by in that relationship. Being casual has never bothered you so they don’t see the need of making it official.
What exactly does your partner do for a living? Is she/he legit? There could be chances you are living with a criminal, how do you answer to being an accomplice or part of a drug ring when you have no idea what has been going on when they say they are “off to work”. I mean work could be anything, majority of people out there are making an honest living but who’s to say the one you landed on isn’t in the 9%?
Last mental note: You are at her/his place and its midnight, the phone rings. They step out to answer it
far from earshot or maybe right in front of you, a flirtatious conversation ensues. Where do you think
you stand? Ask the right questions, if you have a tingly feel in your sixth sense, trust it. You’d rather that
than wake up to a whole lot of surprises you were not prepared to deal with just because you buried
your head in the sand and assumed he/she was perfect because you love him. It doesn’t work that way.