Previously on Plot 12,Mama Njira and her secret battalion were out to suck life out of me by stealing my brooms and soaps, this have changed ,last week Mama Njira and her husband had a serious face-off, I mean a “Post-Election violence” like fight that led to Njira being internally displaced, as I write this, he is camping at my place and I call upon the county Government to intercede ,this young animal taking any kind of food twice as I ever imagined, am starting to think he was the cause of the violence between his parents, he might have eaten his father’s food and received some good slaps ,motherly enough, his Mother might have defended him because he resembles her late grandmother ,my sixth sense tells me to pull an “Annan” on the family ,but then again who am I? Of course am not like Isaac Cheruo, let the Njira family solve their own feuds, when the chemistry is gone, the history is nothing, am soon deporting Njira.
I have also been blessed with a new neighbor, she lives next door, it’s been a week and she is proving a hell of a lass, you know those kind of ladies who will sit just at the door step to confirm if you are married or if you are living with some daughter of Eve, she started by saying hi, am not used to greeting people of Plot 12,for the record, I don’t want to get used to them ,just like Bill Nass and Mwana FA “Sitaki Mazoea,maana kuzoeana sana ndio kuharibiana CV”.Within two days she had knocked at my door walking me up from my evening nap and morning slumber after dawn, Reason? “Nisaidie Ndoo yako na Trough nifulie aki please, ,,,,stima zimepotea ,si unichargie simu yangu na laptop yako please”, Like I didn’t know that the landlord who has so far changed her line had not paid some fee to the guys at KPLC, This new Jirani of mine is a thorn in the flesh, she cannot believe I clean my own cloths and wash my own plates, I guess next time she will get inside my apartment without a warrant from yours truly, I have already seen her motives and am plotting to pay Njira some few coins to make her busy with tales of how his Father was a friend to Jomo Kenyatta.
My other neighbor ,that young man who looks like he was born naturally confused seem to have broken up with his lady, they guy cannot clean a thing inside his house, I paid him a visit last week as I was mobilizing the plot and sensitizing them on the new Laws put in place by the County government to protect Tenants, everything stinks and the only explanation he could offer the moment he realized I was not comfortable was “ Unajua hawa Wanawake wetu wanajua kusafisha Nyumba sana,angekua hapa hii nyumba ingekua safi sana,hii sitting room ingekua imepangwa vizuri” but them how did it happen ? This is one of the most faithful guys I have seen after Isaac Cheruo,but then again ,he should put his shit together unless he wants to become a permanent begger,you know when you beg someone to just be with you and they are not just giving in, slowly you just become a permanent beggar.
As the official caretaker of all the residents at plot 12,I have so far filled a petition, court cases, I have even hired goons just to ensured that the Landlord installs free WI-FI ,this is so that people like Mama Njira can Google and find out how to cook Mayai,I mean, recently my eyes went straight into her sitting room and what I saw was nothing close to Eggs ,I also want to ensure that Njira subscribes to Caleb Koyo on You-Tube so as to keep up with all the news and stories happening in plot 13 and 14,like his latest video was on how to make some good cash out of Biotechnology ,this is the only way Njira can keep up with the Fight between the Government and Lectures ,am sure even Nerea ,who recently moved in needs this.
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