Retrosexual’s Corner:I Am The Devil’s Ex-boyfriend,Truth Be Told

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No warnings please, am a Retrosexual

I swear am not watching that stuff called Papa Shirandula until that old man retires and gets off the screens, my other early new year resolution is never to set eye on Inspekta Mwala until Mwala is told that someone like me is tired of him on TV,I was so excited to watch him when I was five, am now 20+ and I have been into more relationships than Jobs, I just don’t know what he is upto.I will start watching our own comedy /drama programmes when the mantle is handed over to the Likes of Kelvin Gesure,Benard Kibet,Gabu ,Tatam and the rest of the new generation actors who are ready to give us some new breath. I want to see a Kenyan version of the Bold and the beautiful ,Kenyan version of ‘If Loving you is wrong’ with Isaac Cheruo as the main man ,ladies like Christy, Nicole ,Christne,Passy all flocking around him like a corrupt MCA.I want to be interviewed by my friends at the CNN,of course as being the “Jack Bauer” on the Kenyan Version of 24,questions like killing terrorists like Hesborne Nyagoko and hardcore criminals like Maslah and Kenboy.Enough of Movies and theatre,this is the Retrosexuals Corner .

Its 2017 already ,Most importantly its January and you must be aware of the financial  problems around the place backed up by the arrogance and noise from the Matiangi Kids, I mean, Kenya is a hell of place around this time but then I need to remind the light skins that I have never been around to turn their water into wine, to all the men, this is the transfer window, you are allowed to kick out your Lover if and when she bugs you of a new Wig, new anything, You know you don’t have that cash so you better break up before 14th Of Next Month. This Month presents you an opportunity to move back to your Village Girlfriend who still looks up to you and will take up all you say ,to her you are the most wise since the death of Solomon, May his soul Rest in Peace, What you need now is someone about scared of you. When you talk she trembles like Isaac Cheruo trembles when threatened by some lady we are not talking about today.

Listen, I am the devils Ex-Boyfriend and truth be told, sometimes we blame the devil for things we sampled up for ourselves ,2017 is not for ladies who walk around like they are stepping on Eggs, this is a year for ladies like Victoria Kimani,Congratulations on Your Album Last Year, it’s a bold year and thou shall not kiss behind the garden, Love might be blind like they say in Movies but the neighbors are not ,they are watching, there is nothing traumatizing like a story of love-birds kissing making rounds on social media, It should also be a year of Change,atleast these ladies should drop this Friend zone shit,You find a lady who looks like the trader who sold to the American’s the rope they used to hang Sadam busy boasting of how she has friend zoned another son of Adam, come on young girl, work on your smile and eye game, that guy friend zoned you at the first sight, people change and so you should. Even William Ruto was baptized and given the name Landih Grabbah Signh.

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Above all its 2017 ,Let’s not see you ladies behaving Like it’s still 2016,Natalie  is a good lady, She is so determined and am told Bernard Kibet has won her heart. Be Like Natalie.

Am on twitter @KoyoOdongo and @MagazineReel

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