In the wisdom of Fellow man of letters Tony Mochama “If you can’t march on in March, you better get yourself a mountain bike”. Street wisdom has it that June and July are not good months to break-up, but since the world provides enough for everyone’s need and not for everyone’s greed. Let me send special shout out to all the single ladies and gentlemen. Louder shout outs to those who broke loose last month and early this month. This is it, the person you loved walked away ,the person you loved was taken away by some mean looking sponsor ,whichever circumstance don’t be sad, instead your former lover should be, simply because they lost someone who loved them. From Rabbit’s Swahili Shakespeare “Si upatana na X’s ,tukiwa na Y,tukienda ma Z”
One Martin Zuckerburg slept and decided to come up with an application called WhatsApp, this app in recent history is doing more harm than good, somehow the Chat from the state house WhatsApp group finds itself to some lousy noisy group I some forgotten corner of Kenya. There is nothing I much fear than WhatsApp chat screenshots, more so when its coming from a lady I have always crushed on, before the download is finished, my heart stops .Me thinks that Zuckerbug made a misdemeanor creating this Application. Before it was available on Google store, Relationships used to be killed by ignorance, ego and arrogance, currently the three are backed by WhatsApp, as am writing this, am dead sure that someone somewhere is trying to explain why he messages ticked blue and he did not reply, Why he did not pick up her WhatsApp call, things like this things like that. The ladies won’t and will never understand that some of us sleep chat or even fall asleep while typing, so “Koyo” can be typing from 8:21Pm to 5:00 before going offline!
There is a bigger war going on through the various status and profile pictures you see anytime you switch off your data, like you know in times of war, ladies and children are taken away to safety and the men remain behind to think about the solution in silence! ,the story am about to tell was started by one of the ladies who walk around with a skirt worth Ksh20 yet still goes everywhere whispering how some men put one trouser for two weeks not knowing that one trouser is Ksh1000 and most of us have seven trousers!
Job* fell in love with some beautiful daughter of eve, all was well till the lady demanded her picture on Job’s profile so that she could confirm that truly Job is a true boy, the guy immediately did that and the couple enjoyed the best of their days together. All this while Job like another office holder in Kenya, kept away his other side chick who just completed high-school. The side chick was blessed with something like a Kaduda or a Mulika Mwizi so she could not understand what is going on the other side. Meanwhile Job struggled to keep his relationship together, his main girl this side did not want any female face next to her man,Mapenzi ni hesabu,Maths that Job learnt so well with time, no fail!
Only Jesus said that he will come like a thief, no one knows the hour nor the time. Job’s Side chick joined WhatsApp in such a manner that those who have never been in church would mistake her for the son of Son. What met her on her Boyfriends profile is a picture of another lady who apparently just as beautiful as her. She immediately issued a threat alert to Job. Love ends, make peace with your side chic. Job having been blessed with some good vibes managed to convince the main chick that there is no cause for alarm and that he is all hers so there is no need to have her as his profile .That worked for him because he managed to keep the two.
In such crisis you need more than the Solomon kind of wisdom.Dont panic, don’t wet your pants, take a deep breath and get the noise from each sides, know that real men don’t remember anything, they don’t have a memory. By the power vested upon you by the Retrosexua’ls,declare yourself single and watch the ladies fight, put the Retrosexual’s on another wave by organizing a secret meeting of the two fighting parties, on Friday do yourself a favor before going out, delete your Exe’s number!
A crocodile never smiles, if it smiles at you. Better be more careful. This is the Retrosexual’s Corner from yours truly Mr Retrosexual
Let’s talk on the comment box or on twitter @KoyoOdongo and @MagazineReel