Kenya! Our Mother land, the place of goats,courts,coats,goals without goal scores, football without goal posts, somehow we have managed to find a way of living with all these, there is only one thing that is tearing us apart, if only the tiger could fly, if only monkeys hand wings, if only one Bernard Kibet could take my advice. A year ago I told him to stay away from ladies, not all of them but specifically the brown short ones, boasting of his Rocket science experience and his two month experience of visiting six ladies hostels located about two kilometers from each other on only twenty minutes he told me to relax “Koyo,cheza chini,this is happening”. As you read this he has taken a break to oil his worn out bolts, to reboot his tiny brain that now makes a lot of noise like an old tractor. He has taken time off the streets to see his next of Kin.He know understand that whenever you see a monkey being beaten, probably all the trees are slippery. Am not saying that the animal Bernard Kibet is a MONKEY.
I was not born Yester-night, I have been in these streets for long enough, though my naked eyes, I have seen these brown short ladies do the unthinkable. When a short brown lady hates, she hates for real.whats shocking is that the things she hates are just way to funny, she hates her fellow short guys, hates cooking yet she wants a man who loves eating ,hates ladies with colored hair yet the weave on her skull is starting to be a concern to the international community, the smell from it can can easily make you believe that Goliath’s tomb has finally been broken into and the smell of the dead man’s all over the place(That is if he was ever buried).She will wake up for a selfie followed by a post on Intagram showing her dry and cracked cleavage and caption “Just woken up, no make ups #NoFilters #Beautiful #NTV #WCB #WCW” making me wonder where we lost it,wether the female gods have been bribed with some weaves too and they cannot strike sense to these ladies.
Brown short girls are just disgusting, sometime in the recent past my friend Vince Arap complained about them on Facebook, the man usually complains only when people like DSP jokes with his bottle of something, voicing up on the damsels was something strange .They smile like horses showing off sum colored gums and teeth that is almost turning grey if not pink!, they are always ready to offer you that “Only a father could love” face ,I don’t know where most of them get the pimples on their faces from, the pimple plus the smile can awaken a sickling man and make him okay, there are more dangerous stuff out there than his sickness.
They walk in the streets like they own it, most of them love short skirts ,thank God we are able to see the spider veins on their legs, they are that type of ladies who will step on you along the busy corridors and stare at your face waiting for an apology lest they pull a Lucy Kibaki on you. They are talkative and so secretive ,you never know what their next plot is.The best way to break up with them is over the phone however brave you might be as a man, a day ago I was keeping up with my past in some Kibanda while catching up with the Olympics from my transistor radio, suddenly some short one entered talking over the phone and laughing, I looked at her keenly and realized she was not going to stop telling all of us in there that she was speaking to some poor son of Adam who happens to be in her Love company occupying the least position .She came and sat next to me still talking, the smell from her mouth is more of a fresh onion or something closer to Liver, I paid my bill and walked away having realized why her caller must have decided not to talk to her face to face .
Any normal man out there should stay away from most of these short brown ladies, they can make your heart stop.
Retrosexuals Corner comes to a close, keep in touch with Mr. Retrosexual on twitter @KoyoOdongo and @MagazineReel
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