SIX Reasons Why Your ASS is Single

2
Single

So ladies, this week its your turn. I’m sure you’ve all watched the video to the song “Settle for less” by Liquideep. That was just one man speaking for many in saying the things they don’t like. If you see your character in any of those girls, well that’s why your ass is single.

See I’m not here saying being single is wrong. In fact I have so much when I am. But if you are there praying and paying for a man you probably need to check yourself first.

You Look Like Trouble
There I said it. Your countless piercings and tattoos may have served you well and got you the attention you craved while you were in your twenties but no man, and I repeat, none, wants to explain to his mum about love being blind and that despite all evidence to the contrary, you can actually be a good mother!

You Look Like Trouble
Yes, I know same title twice. See, this part of looking like trouble, unless he’s on a mission to save the world, you can’t have issues every damn day of your life. With everyone and with everything. Get real. He’s coming home to hear about how everybody is conspiring against your tiny little attention-seeking behind. Yeah I’d look forward to that too. A woman knows which issues are real and actually need his attention and believe me, he will step up to help if its not childishness you are presenting.

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SingleYou Look Like the Android
Hahaha well, unless he is also unfit and he likes his shapes undefined then you are not bagging anybody with your couch potato body. Get out there and work out. Damn woman! Don’t get me wrong, thin and malnourished is not the new sexy. I’m just saying, give him something to look at. I’m sure you’ll enjoy sex with the lights on and walking around naked, giving him a reason to stay in. I certainly do *insert wink*

You Emasculate Them
Yes you can pay your own bills. Oh you took classes in judo, tae kwo ndo and did you forget to mention you spend weekends at the gun range? Perfect isn’t it? No, it isn’t. What you are telling this guy is you don’t need him or any man in your life. You don’t need his protection and not his providence either. I know you can do it all and it takes a lot to eat humble pie but let him be the man. Let him take care of you because that’s how they are wired from a young age, they know and want to protect and provide for the woman they love and by extension, their family.

You Cannot Handle a Home
Is your place a pigsty? Check. Do you have trouble whipping up the simplest of meals? Does the slightest mention of marriage and children make you want to hide out in Somalia? My dear we have a problem.

You are dumb
Fellas have you ever met a girl with zero brains and zero personality. No ambition whatsoever? How long did that relationship or whatever it was last? I rest my case. Girls, those Instagram likes and twitter followers do not mean a thing if you cannot hold your own in conversation or in a boardroom. Those people online are bored and boredom doesn’t last.

Well guys, I’ll leave you to digest this.

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