The Day a Maasai did my Hair

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three maasais in work

I started doing my hair recently after realizing that natural hair will never grow without plaiting,so after blaming my ancestors for cursing my scalp( follicle womb basically),this would be the fifth time am braiding my hair this year.

I met my cucu someday (not like my cucu but my cucu) and she insisited that I go pay her a visit,it was during that visit when she offered to call her salonist to do my hair before I left for school,a maasai salonist. I have heard crazy stories and have seen the product of the servicing,pure perfection but not too fast,here is the experience.

Lets start with the pricing,my my my ,hee though my cucu took care of the bill minus the braids,I just have to talk about it. It is craaazy,I used 6 pcs of sangita(for the do-the-bop-nae-nae-dabo-tap generation,sangita is the first packed Asian human hair to land in Kenya,forget brazillian-BRAZILLIAN MY FOOT) each goes foor 115 soo do the math,I could have done 4 but given that my hair is a bundle of joy. Then because my cucu called the guy to her home so my hair gets done for 2500,yeeees 2500,its just thative never spent much on my natural hair,apart from the egg yolks and ovacado products by Airo(by the way to you all natural-hair fanatics,try Tony Airo,if not then you are a fanatic babe) It didn’t make sense to me at all  but provided am not paying,im not complaining.

Now we get to business,my people,the maasai just undid his belt,pulled down his pants and there you go,no nudes people just shorts. He prepared the braids and it was time,my feet were between his thighs smelling of raw meat and milk(even those at the coast also smell so,without the shukas). He pulled up the short on one thigh and got down to business.

One thing I hate about braiding is the posture,these salnists expect you to sit like a robot,shoulders up,don’t lean,don’t look down(even when your eyes are shut),don’t turn,stay between my thighs,im not paying you 2500 to do ergonomics on me and order me around then the real drama picks off when he start doing your hair,he cuts small portions,needle-sized.

I always want to do my hair for utmost 3 hours(makeba are like 30 pieces but these are millions)more than that,cars are made in japan,nations are being built,babies are being made,millionaires are rising ,Jesus is coming soon and my death is growing nigh,time wasted men and women and I saw myself spending 6 or so hours,with granny bringing fruits 8 hours,with Samburu men confirmi ng who planted a spear on whose earth via storo bonus(which I never earn)10 hours and for sure it was ,by the time he was done the catering department of humble pies production made millions,a private developer had grabbed land upto the horizon,not worth my time. When he planted the braid on my scalp,the pain that went through my veins was unbearable my people,forget labour and there is nothing as disgusting as a negro telling you ‘si ulitaka urembo’ or ‘plastic ndo zenu’,plastic is you ,you have no idea how many triplets would have been brought forth through that labour,enough to fill your brain with substance and living matter.

three maasais in work
three maasais in work

I could feel the root of my mollars with the pain and then your feet and bottoms get numb from the pain and you need the patience of Jehovah for a sinner like me(and you of course) yet the post-pain is worse especially the moment you forget and wash your face,hehe the scream that follows could awake the dead or seal the clouds to never give forth not even a drizzle so you wash your face brushing your fingers gowing up and you lay awake because no pillow can cuddle you,not even antiques which gave king David of Israel dreams. Now there is the twisting part where he roles the braids on the stinking thighs,uuughh , hee I stopped being a clean freak with that. He pulls up his thigh(perverts easy,this post is not for you)then rolls the braid into a magical twist oor rather rubs all his melanin and all germs that come with it on the braids that are on me so am carrying around 30000 types of bacteria on my head those my scalp had(dust and sweat),those my scalp will generate(dust and sweat)and those from a maasai thigh(dust,sweat,melaninae bacteria ssp,uncooked meat,maziwa mala and 32000+ others),please contact for study research specimen.

i look good though
i look good though

I look good though I must say,but if this is what it takes to look good,spare me,natural is beautiful or wait makeba is just 1 hour,as I wait upon God to stretch my hair towards His Throne of abundance,am not robotting between maasai thighs in the name of grooming,not even for free.

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