All individuals of the female gender past high school have assumed the title ladies by the rules of nature but did you know that not all of them deserve the title? Well, I will help you assign it to deserving candidates.


Girls suffer from social media disorder. They have made unconstitutional ammendments to the law of the land to state that the basic needs are facebook, Twitter and instagram. They literally survive on the number of likes they get from a filtered photo. Girls will campaign for likes with so much zeal that Mike Sonko will consider hiring them as chief campaigners in 2017! Ladies on the other hand will spend the better part of the century toiling to climb the corporate ladder and avoid social media addiction like a plague.

Teenagers taking a selfie
Teenagers taking a selfie


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Girls will scream their lungs out when Chris Brown’s songs are played.They will swear by the spoilt brat’s name Justine Bieber and get a fever when Miley Cyrus twerks like a expert as she claims. Religious following on instagram will be accorded to Fera Sticker and not Lupita Nyong’o. Real ladies will ogle over the likes of Denzel Washington and Idris Elba for success tips.


The girls class never bat an eyelid when embarrassing their English and Swahili teachers. They have made it a habit to misspell simple words like sasa.There is also the use of funny looking animated faces to pass a message.This lasses can write a whole sentence in Emoji form and send it to my dad and he will book them to Mathari hospital with immediate effect because to him this is insanity at full blown stage. This is a perfect explanation as to why they will end up being suxsexful. A lady has an excellent grasp of the queen’s language and her spellings are always right and will end up successful. Enough said.


A girl will be stuck in a bubble of incompetence, lack of money, unwanted pregnancy, and a malnourished child in a foreign planet say maybe Pluto. All this while she will create animated images of a moneyed man probably an odiero coming to her rescue. Once in a while she will read her soiled Bible and say to herself “patience pays.” A lady does not wait for things to happen but rather makes them happen period.

Teenagers partying.
Teenagers partying.


The class of girls will always have something to say about everything. She is miss know it all especially on twitter because she can use her poor spellings to comment and trash talk sensible individuals like Njoki Chege. They will be the first ones to analyse justice Mumbi Ngungi’s ruling “using Emoji of course” and tell her how she should get a life. I tend to think that if social media was a school then some of these girls would have been expelled a long time ago. From Politics, Statistics, Linguistics to twerking, you’d think she is a general knowledge Don at Harvard University. Ladies prefer talking to the boss in person and when it’s necessary other than ranting on twitter.


Plastering of shocking sexual escapes on social media and hooting to whoever cares to listen about your bedroom matters is a trait common with girls. They will tell about the most intimate aspects of their life to their friends and public. Pulling off moves and positions that that even gymnastics trainers will break a bone trying is something they take pride in and therefore see the need to let the public know of their “success.” Ladies know that this is uttermost foolishness and choose to keep their good times within the confines of their sound proof bedrooms.


Girls detest gentlemen and will instead go for loosers I call boys. The credibility of a potential date is weighed on sinful scales like amount of money, booze one can buy and stomach and sustainability in the sack.They will ditch brains for cubes and biceps maybe to protect them from the many past flames they have lied to or childish show off. Ladies know that caring, loving, responsible, hardworking and brainy men is the ultimate narrow path to “heaven.”


It’s an open secret that girls will take pride in things that can warrant a curse by the Njuri Ncheke.They will invest in assets that can not satisfy a bank to give them loans. The behind is worshipped an attended to with silicon add ons even if it means breaking their neck or diverting tuition money in the process if need be. The skin is bleached and weaves bought at the price of a couple mature bulls. The hem of the skirt keeps rising and I suspect if Mutula woke up today he would question his earlier sentiments and probably lobby for all girls to become nuns. Ladies understand that beauty is skin deep and will enhance theirs by saving up to pay for their masters degrees.

All the above said it’s evident that we have only a fraction of females deserving the lady title. Beauty is not weighing yourself down with heavy methuselah chains or wearing a load of metals that makes scrap metal dealers jealous. Simplicity, decency, responsibility, good brains and conduct make a lady. Let’s have a ladyful generation!



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