We all have those very annoying friends on Facebook or WhatsApp who update about everywhere they travel to. The ‘traveling to Kitale’, ‘Can’t believe am in Kisumu’ or ‘Drinking water at Archer’s’ post type.
Others are the Miss Attention seeker type. ‘I can’t believe he took me there’. You ask where and she answers Ndumberi, Kimende or Kinungi.
But those are not the only annoying types of people in this world, there are others who you come across and just feel like going ‘Alfred Keter’ on.
1. The local tourist wannabes.
These are the types that find everything in Kenya amusing.They update a status about every single ‘amusing’ thing.
“This African elephant is so big” or “This camel has a really long neck” or “This maasai can jump really high”.
Okay, at 25, does it mean you have never seen a Maasai jump or the first time you saw them jump was when you never had a Facebook account?
Who really in Kenya is past 12 years old and still becomes amused by a jumping Maasai? Or the neck of a camel? Spare us the updates of “Mount Kenya has green trees”. That’s not news.
2. The loud pastors
This other group is described in Matthew Chapter six. Those who pray loudly at the Facebook and WhatsApp synagogue.
“Oooh Lord, Take me through this” or those who upload a picture on WhatsApp and tag Psalms 5:2.
As the Bible says, please pray in secret. Facebook and WhatsApp is not among what we call ‘secret’.
3. The rich kids
From the rich kids of Beverly Hills to the rich kids of Instagram and Facebook. Those who refer to a Cheetah as Puma. They can’t differentiate between a goat and a sheep. They get amused and expect you to be amused in return
They update things like “I can’t believe a goat eats grass” or “I just saw a lacoste at Mamba Village”.
That’s a crocodile for any other kid apart from the rich ones. When a teacher gives them a tick, their update is “Mmmmh, This teacher just gave me a Nike”. Rich kids.
4. Daily Post, Nyumbani and Ghafla agents.
In case you live under a rock or you just arrived from Jerusalem, all those are gossip sites. These people share anything on your wall from the videos of women being stripped in Nairobi to the exact number of men who have banged size 8. Not forgetting, the name of the man who has impregnated Uhuru Kenyatta’s daughter. They never forget to accompany these posts with acronyms like OMG, LMAO, LOL and the others.
5. Team Bad grammar.
Team ‘Mrebo and Hambari’. Those who update
“Am liking Kenrazy’s birikimo mkora” or the way he likes the new song ‘kaka sungula’.
You wonder how does this person pronounce words if they can’t write them. Please if you can’t use hash tags, stay away from them. We don’t want to see #This is the best day Ever# through your posts.
I beg to rest my case before I go ‘Alfred Keter’ on some people here.