EXTREMELY FUNNY; The Good, The Bad and The Shame of 2014

the funny 2014

There are many things which happened during this year and I wished I could write about them when they were still breaking news. Unfortunately, my laptop lost vital keys like ‘S’ and I thought I could not go back to the ‘XaXa’ generation and start confusing the public. Let us check them together. You can add what you think is not captured; I don’t charge for posting on comment box below.

First, I have really improved this year. In terms of the neighbours I choose. In the previous years, I have been having the most weird neighbours! Those who would connect between hearing me tear an old magazine in the morning and opening the noisy toilet door in the evening, and they have something to comment about my tissue paper! At least for now, my neighbors cannot accept to hear me tear a magazine when they are having 5 rolls of tissue paper in their house-unless am lighting a jiko!

Now, you remember people got tired stripping maize in the farm and came to strip ladies in town. Forgive the boda boda guys for they haven’t been on Facebook to see how our ladies dress. I never said a word. I had no word for that and I choose not to let you know what I think about this. I am not thinking.

the funny 2014There was also this story of Njoki Chege.  If you don’t remember this, you must have also forgotten your surname. Njoki spoke on behalf of all ladies. It was not strange. Well, she reminded us that ladies started defining men using car models-something we are not aware of yet. Ladies look here, there is no constitutional clause (you don’t read the constitution), no taboo or scientific research limiting you from having a car. You need a car? Google Toyota, Mercedes, Subaru. Don’t Google Bankers, Managers, CEO or Engineers. These are professions not car models! Now, while you are busy wondering which habitat I live in without a car, my role model is that poor man who wishes they had legs. No more streaming on this issue.

Let’s remember our accidental comrades in Egerton University. Silence. University students were shot accidentally with guns bought accidentally, by policemen hired accidentally. And the student’s chairman accidentally failed to attend their funeral? Ok. Everything is now accidental and since i may also be shot accidentally at any time, i am drafting an accidental will, so that when am gone everyone can know how to share my debts accidentally. I had no assets anywhere. If they were, that is purely accidental!

On another note, students went on strike ( ignore spellings, I lost my log in details to Grammarly)  in Jkuat, Egerton, University of Nairobi-let me stop there because I may end up typing the names of all the universities in Kenya. If I opt to type those who didnt strike, I would have less than one university in the list. Reasons for strike? Even the ones who started may have to Google to know why. For the UoN students, they had a very valid reason- Babu said we go on strike. Others may tell you they did it because they wanted Wenger to leave arsenal. Anything a comrade says is right. Now when we go home, even the one who lit the fire with a ciggerate will be like ‘they’ went on strike  ‘they’ lit the fire, ‘they’ broke the shops, But they will use we in sentences like, ‘we’ won the Safaricom App Challenge, ‘we’ as wasps team won the East African Marathon – not knowing that wasps is a rugby team. That is a student for you. Expect more in 2015!

We watched news of a student being involved in a child kidnapping saga. Imagine when your mother tunes in to watch TV, and then finds the image of a person (you) who ought to be in the library and when she looks at the background of the photograph, she sees the police flag, car, handcuffs, nyaunyo, and dogs whose size they are not used to in the village. She also notices there are people speaking in the Kalenjin ascent – the basic requirement to becoming a police-even if you are a Luo. I would like to know where this innocent mother is currently hospitalized.

And we had the businessman of the year. Prophet, Dr, Reverent, Bishop, Honorable etc, Victor Kanyari.  [Cost of KMNO4 = 250/kg. I buy 7kg, this can take me 4 months. Profit minus Expenses, not so bad. Pay workers, pay for the business premises (read church) pay for electricity. Then go to the bank. No taxes.]. He drives in the lanes PhD holders can’t drive. I feel inspired!

In national security matters, Kimaiyo resigned and Ole Lenku was sacked. Otherwise, in our country, news would be rated PG. Now we only expect to hear only deaths resulting from suicide and not terror. I don’t do politics. I can only wish you a safe festive season and a teargas free new year 2015.

As my team, Liverpool, is heading to relegation, I want to remind the fans that at the PlayStation we are doing really good-especially when I am the controller of the game. Yesternight, we beat Man U 7-2. That was a good revenge to the previous game we lost to them. So be calm we are not walking alone.

In this year i joined millions of Kenyans on twitter. Follow me here too @HesbornN






  1. Thanks ben.

    Fab lol!! That lady, we need to be left alone for once.

    Kirui you must have forgotten these events am sure

  2. Ummh… No wait. What did I want to say? I dunno! Let’s just say this is hilarious. Accidental tho! Na PlayStation! This has made my day. I’m still in jitters.

  3. Sure extreemly funny it is.. Think i’ll re-read it on 31st before the year ends as i think of what to expect comin year…. Nice one…

  4. Accidental…Accidental lol!! on that playstation thing …we(MAN-U)always beat Liverpool when im on the pads!

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