This digital waves “haki itatumaliza”. Look at what it has done to Koyo, son of the soil. Despite him being a child of universe ,no less than trees and the stars with every right to be where he is, the hot waves could not sympathize with him.
Instead,he was swept away. The last time I saw him, he was balancing on one leg trying to regain his firm ground of exuberance. I examined him very well from outside “18” and whispered to myself, “That kind of humiliation requires substantial rest and reflection, and a year and a half sounds just right”.
From the look of things, Koyo will soon be filing a petition at the Supreme Court. A petition to have WhatsApp banned for two years from his village. Within those two years; maybe he shall have gathered enough infrastructure to embrace it .A man must do what a man must do.
Because I am his close associate, I can proudly report with all the confidence and gravitas that among the key points in his petition will be an occurrence that happened last year. Koyo, just like any other normal guy out there happened to have drooped in love with this lady, let’s call her Kanana, not her real name.
All was well, infact, the two loved each other so much that anybody who was a stranger would mistake them for Soap opera stars on a vacation. However, all took a dramatic change when Kanana acquired a smartphone, that meant that she digitally migrated long ago even before Paul Muite knew he would get a job out of the digital migration problems. Infact, Muite was still recovering from the presidential elections where he lost narrowly to Muigai my guy.
Kanana on visiting her friend Fiona, who had just ‘landed’ from Nairobi, Downloaded the WhatsApp application and installed it for her. The “Mgeni njoo, mwenyeji apone”, took a different turn immediately.
Kanana from then stopped sending text messages to Koyo, on inquiry, she told Koyo that she now chats on WhatsApp. And that she does not buy the 200 messages from Safaricom at ten bob like she used to.
Now because Koyo had a Nokia 1110 handset, he had to swallow the bitter pill and move on, look, he couldn’t afford WhatsApp on his phone and so he had to watch his lady go down history pages.
Because Koyo was raised by a beautiful African woman who taught him to shun evil and take in all that is good, second on the petition list is one of his friend in deed ‘Socrates’. Socrates and his sweetheart are on WhatsApp, what amuses Koyo is that whenever Socrates texts Angelina on WhatsApp, he sees the damsel typing for five minutes and sometimes six in close to reality only to get “K”, as a reply!. Socrates has in many occasions demonstrated outside Fiona’s home but it seem all that demonstration falls on deaf ears.
As I do this, am dead sure that Socrates has sent for forensic experts from River road, Njokerio and Nairobi Aviation College to come and help him know how a person takes five minutes to type only one letter.
Koyo also want all the men to know that ladies on WhatsApp are so mean. Very mean, in fact, mean like higher education loans board. They buy bundles worth five bob and send over five thousand messages, who does that and still claims to be romantic! Infact, mean is an understatement.
I believe that when the chief justice finally makes a ruling, it will be to his favor but if the ruling goes against Him, he has already brought together a team of legal experts to challenge the rulings at I.C.C.
Koyo’s agenda to have men stop dating ladies who are on WhatsApp seems to be unstoppable like the Jubelee’s agenda to give laptops to kids or like private developers desires to occupy any vacant land.