It All fades Away…

Fade away

There is temptation and there is serious temptation and then there is temptation that is almost beyond endurance. And when you can’t endure it no more, you give in and let the devil himself take the lead. And you let your thirst show, as you declare your interest in meeting and getting to know that person more. And you decide you’ll first of all get his number, chat for a few days and plan on when to meet.

Well, having only five units to study for translates to having loads of free time to idle and lay your ass around. No expectations, no nothing, though I tell him earlier that he shouldn’t have some shabby looking hair neither should he be wearing some rainbow color skinny. I was just bluffing, I know the kind of guys that I get attracted to. I mean birds of a feather? No? Maybe? But some physics law states that like terms attract so I don’t really know.

Fast-forward to the day we meet, lovely evening, nice easy conversation and ‘a lil’ walk as he leaves. I loved it, it was one of the most random meet up I have ever had. So life carries on as usual, chatting, subtle flirting, nothing harmful, I’d say. But tell you what, that casual ‘I love you’, ‘you are awesome and I miss you’ text, can mess up everything.

Am sweet, not to blow my own trumpet but hell yes I am. Sweet, caring, listening nshit, don’t blame me, it is not a bad thing, right? I see y’all pessimists making faces, get rid of that ugly look already, will you? What is it that can fully convince a guy that a lady is taken since mere word of mouth doesn’t work much for me? Or am I just not convincing enough?

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It is no rocket science that rejection is one of the most hurting things, especially for guys. I wouldn’t know since I have never experienced it, and I ain’t bragging, am just saying. So when it dawns on a fella that a ‘mami’ he is after is taken he starts by killing the communication.

So think the third time we meet I somehow confirm that I am taken and that becomes the end of it. Ignored texts and calls is what happen not. And it is Frustrating, with a capital F, I dare say. I found it rather absurd though now I understand.

Fade awayWhen a lady mentions about having a guy but you keep on chatting as though it’s all fine, then all your messages help her to either put you in the bro-zone or friend-zone. So when you text me saying you want me as your chic, I will just ‘LOOOOOOOL and *fall off my bed*’ and ask you if you’re serious about that.

Not that I have anything against the guy but it just can’t be. I have always done that and never felt a thing but when I did that last, there was damage on my side too.

It hurts that a beautiful friendship had to die because feelings came into play. It hurts that we no longer talk for obvious reasons. It keeps me awake at night that we can ever be just friends as it doesn’t work that way for you guys. It is sad that I miss you but that’s between me and me. That’s as far as it can go. And I watch in silence as it all fades away. I stare at life as what we had fades into obscurity. Utter oblivion.



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