Koyo ‘the Retrosexual’ is in Love, He Pours out his Heart to Her Through this Letter


Secrets keeps us alive. I have managed to keep “Our secret” for as long as I can.The urge to speak out this off my chest has been a real one so here we go. The village witchdoctor has swallowed some good amount of poison and will be dead by the time you finish reading this.

The village virgin has finally got pregnant, as I write this, she has packed and will be leaving for the city tomorrow, she can’t face the coming stories and laughter mostly from Anyango who till now has insisted that her bond with illicit brew is unbreakable, the only days she pulls a shock at her liver is when she takes in Omena soup.

The snake that stopped everyone from going to River Yawa has finally left the initial hiding place and has now found a heaven in one of the pots inside the Chiefs home. The problem has shifted from a public one to private. Things are changing so fast!

The more things change, the more trouble I have with people, honestly I am at peace with God and at war with everybody around me.Those who were born during the moi time still believe that the beautiful ones have not been born, those who came under Kibaki too hold it that the beautiful ones have been born and are currently living within us. The few confused ones who came under Uhuru do not even know where they stand in this conversation. Individually I believe that the beautiful ones have already been born and are married or dead, well that was so until few weeks ago when my eyes came across a lady who I came to realize I have been so rude to for a long time. She has been a friend, a friend I have never given maximum concentration and attention.

She knew me before I even realized that she exists, my eyes recently opened towards her and I think it’s time to tell the world about her. I realized her existence was meaningful to my life at a time I was going through a lot of stuff, that period in life you feel disappointed and you just want to face the window and throw your eyes to the streets for the whole day.

I closed my eyes and saw her eyes, they seemed to have grown dim and dark, maybe because I had ignored her for such a long time. From the onset I knew I had to do something to make her jovial so that her eyes could sparkle with warmth and life. You know the way to a girls heart is through the eyes. I had to put in a lot to ensure her eye game was back, the eyes I want her to have should capture the heart of any man who steals a glance at her.
I want her to smile and drive away my other fears. I want to see her bouncy personality, the ladylike personality in her should be back. I want her to let go the cloth she has on her head and allow her midnight-black hair to flow over her shoulders. One more time I want to feel her nectar sweet lips tucked between my lower and upper lip.

My eyes rolled still closed and landed on her chest, the image of her breast. I imaginably grabbed her breasts. They felt like a bag of sand, nipples nice and centered, firm and soft reminding me of the many days I have been away from her, the many days I have spent trying to fix up life somewhere else. I made up my mind to one more time fall in love with her. Forgive my heart for leading me away and hug her tight to an extent of feeling her coin sized nipples.

Down she has that heart shape, image of her walking to and fro from my place. When she moves, flies are paralyzed and leaves fall. Her beauty and shape can make a donkey drop down with four bags of Maize. When she walks dust settles. The thought of her walking by my side to everywhere I go can make my Friend Izoh die with envy.

Yes things have changed, it’s been eight years since we met and took our vows, vows that I have broken and soiled. today I just want to say am sorry. You have made me Mr. Retrosexual, you have done much than I expected over the years despite my weird attitude towards you. You have connected me to many people .You have earned me a name in the streets .You were never jealous those moments I went out with Joy. Those moments I spent talking to Nakuru on some microphones yet all this is because of you. Those moments we exchanged hugs with Emily before going on air!

Today I say Sorry and Most importantly, I have realized how much I love you .Accept me back and together let’s take over the World.

Share your thoughts on the comment box or on twitter @KoyoOdongo and @Magazine Reel. Listen to #VegasTempo Show on Egerton Radio 101.7FM each and every Saturday from 1-4Pm.
Yours truly
Mr Retrosexual

(In appreciation of Words and Writing For the Past eight years, from class eight till now,I just want to be more closer to writing and these words)




  1. Bado tunakupenda .Usichoke kurudi Koyo. Good story .Laikipia Loves your stories your show and you.

  2. My partner on air, my partner in tears, my partner in laughter….my friend. I must say I miss those hugs hahaaaa

Comrade, Share your Thoughts Here

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.