Hallo mr/ms/mrs lecturer, I hope you are doing good. It’s 11 am and I am tucked in bed because it’s too cold. I know you are busy talking to yourself not teaching* my fellow comrades and I just missed your class to write this. No it’s not an apology letter but rather a note to help us read from the same page. I will highlight just a few issues. To start with, I am cock sure that you are not a morning person and so am I. So why do you always dissapoint me on Tuesday with a 7 am class! Look, i know u love me so save me the risk of getting pneumonia due to the cold showers. Woe unto me if I fall sick on that day when a lazy nurse is on duty the results might be fatal. I think you see the sense so it’s agreed officially the 7 class has been pushed to 10 even before you receive this letter. Hurray!

My high school English teacher insisted that non verbal cues are very important in communication. Just picture this lecturer, am in class but I can’t stop looking outside, I am cracking my knuckles, yawning, and drawing cartoons as you explain a concept. I am sure you have seen me do this most times than not. The writing is on the wall this means that I am bored and only absorbing 0.000001 of what you are teaching so just quit we can always have a make up provided it’s not early in the morning.

A lecturer in class.
A lecturer in class.

This one has been literally biting me for quite sometime now, please don’t come to class at exactly 11 on the dot and leave at 12:34! You see I need time to bond with a few comrades and since I live outside the school the only time I can do this is while I wait for you, so make the necessary adjustments. When the hour is over I need to rush so that I can take my rightful position at the coil line. Failure to show up within 2 minutes means that I will find a sufuria of githeri on the coil I booked, missing lunch is not a good idea lecturer.

As I write this, I have not started tackling the assignment you gave a few months ago. Don’t get it twisted, I am not rude it’s because uncle goggle is not responding. He has been giving me irrelevant answers which am sure you won’t even glance at. A friend has shown me the book you said we should read it’s only 987 pages! Don’t worry after am done writing this I will go through my WhatsApp especially the group Cate added me to recently you know this guys got bundles I know there are at least 1200 messages waiting for me but after am done I will surely embark on that book. You should also know that Cate and I went to the same high school so when the assignment is submitted don’t ask why mine and hers are similar. We just tend to think alike.

Lecturer, I am a comrade and as always we are a busy class of citizens. Sometimes we also have to deal with emergencies so when I walk out of class to pick a call please don’t condemn me. My roommate calls to ask where I hid the flash disk because she needs to copy Empire and PLL from Mike’s laptop. If I fail to answer that we will end up copying camera copy versions from Kendi. Honestly do you know how agonising it is to watch a whole series in camera copy! It’s Thursday and we are organising a house party, I need to tell Annie where to get tumblers so that text I am sending is of great importance so don’t give me that look next time I text while in class.

Students in class.
Students in class.

Am sure you have seen this somewhere maybe on your daughter’s phone, TGIF. It means Thank God It’s Friday. Now fixing a class on Friday at 4 pm is clearly not a wise idea at all. I am an honest comrade so I won’t lie, I just won’t attend it. It’s a culture to switch off on Thursday so calling me to attention on a Friday is a waste of time so save it. Still on the fixing issue, cats are are not my favourite but they are better when done on a week day. On Saturday I need to relax then in the evening comrades attend Kesha and wake up early to go to church so a cat on Sunday evening is infringement of worship rights. Some little birdie is telling me that you are saying that this is a lie but as I said earlier I am an honest comrade.

I don’t fear exams, I just like them to be scheduled at the right time. When I am well baked. Now because they always come when the baking process is yet to start don’t be harsh with me. Comrades are in the first lane when it comes to fostering unity. So when Cate and I consult, she just wants to ensure that we both graduate with good grades. Also, don’t be notorious with giving Fs am sure you also got a favour at some point in your life. When your car gets a puncture on your way to school, please take your time to fix it. I just don’t want you to use a faulty car sir because I care about you. Meanwhile, let me get bundles and check my WhatsApp before I embark on that book as I promised. Enjoy your lecture days sir!




  1. Hahaha hahaha! Laughing out loud. Great work Emily. Please vie for Director Academics you already got a well elaborated manifesto

  2. Embily, acha tu, I can’t say anything, yani uko yu ka mapuko ya shatit! Work well presented,umegonga ndipo, kip it at the sky

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