Listen, patriarchy will never end, take it from me. Picture a simple village set up during the holiday. All the men have finally hired cars to show off in the village. They wake up, clean the hired car, put their apple bottom’s on some wooden chair and start talking about William Ruto’s possible 2022 plan and what Kalonzo might be scheming amidst all these political noise. “Washenzi” like my Muigai My Guy would call them, then wait to be served goat for breakfast, elephant for lunch and buffaloes for supper. The only thing that gets them off the very important discussion is the sunset. They wake, get served, eat, sleep Repeat! Repeat! Hello, this is the Retrosexual’s Corner and we need no warnings please.
It’s January again and we are getting back to the city in the sun, we are stressed up because we literally don’t know whether or not we are going to get there. If you have ever put a rubber on the road with the fuel light on, then you know what i mean. Back in the city, we didn’t really finish paying the December rent and the landlord is hungry and angry. Our town “lovers” are waiting to receive us with open arms, hoping to get a few more bucks for their stupid lifestyles. Man! I don’t know why they have never thought of asking for a few coins to enroll in the gym, this year am not giving any penny to a lass with a tummy. Like the bad book has it,”Let the tummies belong to men who drink too much for too less-cheap village liquor”.
January ain’t easy on any breathing thing out here, everybody is looking for something better for the belly. Hunger literally makes any normal brain loose cognitive ability, there is only one thing we share in this, “poor people land”. Right now and that is not asking where the ugali you find on the table came from. Just eat and sleep my friend. You feel me? Ask my good friend Namda. Hunger control’s her right now, worse still, her appetite is just insatiable .
January is here to stay, recently the right honorable, People’s President celebrated his Birthday. Well, i don’t really want to talk about how Baba’s voice sounds on singing, i leave that to judge Ian for now. President Kenyatta literally stole the show during Baba’s Birthday cake cutting, picture Ida Odinga just trying to have the moment with her husband and Uhuru’s ain’t just letting that happen.The little kid with them was left wondering how far January has gone. Too far, really far. Everybody wanted to cut a bigger piece. Wait, or it was just the “Handshake” and “Wakikata Tunakata“. Whatever it was, there is no place for “Washenzi” in this nation. January is here, lets deal with it.
The writer is an award winning radio personality, a broadcast journalist & an MC. Follow him on Instagram @anchorkoyo and on twitter @MagazineReel