There are many items on my bucket list. If you will, take a tour with me deep into my desires, you will unravel the museum of my dimwit thinking…all in one place. I’d like to meet the people who coined the phrases “carpe diem” and its unrelenting sister “YOLO”. Now I know the duo are stupid excuses for idiots to walk around without giving a damn about the havoc they wreck along the way.
So on this very generous day I was feeling extremely in touch with my “cool side” (unlike the nerd side most are acquainted with). I went all out and got a dealer to buy me the joint. The night was going to be awesome. I would lose my mind, do silly things, be crazy and it wouldn’t matter. I reckoned because everyone would know it was the drugs and surely not me.
Well, that didn’t go down. I still have the joint. I still see it somewhere among my possessions. I have no intentions of ever using it though. It stands as a constant reminder of just how far my senseless craving for stupidity could get to me. It reminds me of the courage (or lack thereof) it took to light it up for ten seconds then stomp it thereafter upon the realization of the act I was indulging in.
I am not a bad person. In fact, I am a christian girl brought up in the right way,proper and and prim; taught right to act right and be the light. I now know what this means.
In those few seconds when the match lit up and its flame wagged its tongue at me and as the marijuana leaves moved about the paper that encased them, I saw the flames of hell open up to me…and it wasn’t a pastor in the pulpit that had shown it to me.NO! i had dragged myself to the den of roaring lions and chest-thumping cannibals hoping to walk out alive and unscathed.
Thoughts of I am as an individual also struck me at that moment. I visualized how common I would end up having thrown out the principles that guide me each day. I noticed that all of them were aligned like dominoes standing upright with pride until one would yield uncannily to gravity after which a Pandora’s box would leave none of them erect.
Some may see me as a coward who let go of an opportunity to feel the great 30 minute high..others may see me as a victor who triumphed the grip of the flesh and give Glory to the Almighty, the Most High. I, for one am proud of me. On that night, I had made the conscious decision to be responsible for my actions..not to blame it on my impaired judgment or anyone else’s.