Twisted Tuesday: How I Defeated US President Donald Trump

Donald Trump, Students

The internet has been so active since US President Donald Trump assumed presidency. Truth is, the guy has been kissed and kicked from all sides. He knows that and the good thing is that he does not care. As you fight and hate and boil up over his presidency, he is going down in history as a president who has done a lot in his first week in office. The guy does not care and that is seen from his face.

But then all of us have a Donald Trump in Life. My Donald Trump is this Landlord who I happened to be staying in his house sometime last year. That place was more than America. Am this chap who stays out late and so when I get home I must pump some volume on the speakers to catch up with “What the world is saying”.

We are in a nation Kenya, the only place you can easily judge what is going to be on the news and at the same time you are not sure what is going to be aired. If there is one thing you must be abreast with is the news, you can be advertised as a “lost item” while you are busy consulting your fathers in the name of sleep.

This Donald Trump Landlord of mine apparently could not bear with my speakers so he placed a notice, Hakuna Kucheza Muzuki au kuwasha radio kwa sauti ya juu usiku. That notice was meant for me, I don’t know why he had to make very many pieces and stamp them even on that corridor that led to Wanja’s House, Wanja is one of the born again Christian Union Members who classifies everything out of the bible as a sin, not even a sound was heard coming from her two bedroomed apartment. Never the less, I still came back at eleven to jump up to some Ligi Soo By Rabbit, I had just got my first kiss from this lady I had been following(she is now my ex though) and I was feeling some type away. I felt like Niko Ligi soooo,Wako Ligi Ndogo would best describe the feeling that was running through my veins,little did I know that the landlord still awake, he personalized the lyrics and before Amina could lose the AU seat, lights went off and I headed him whisper to his wife Unaskia anasema tuko Ligi Ndogo?,huyu kijana ni wa wapi,ulimtoa wapi aje aishi hapa,apparently he belonged to that Cartel of men who placed everything negative that happens on their lives including their Friends swallowing their drinks on Women. The following day he woke up and told me that I had to pay Ksh50 before I dump the little garbage I had as a bachelor at the dustbin!

He did not stop there, he brought in an economic sanction, he brought in a Kiosk and instructed that every tenant must buy Mboga from Mama Santa,at the end of the day he passed by to take a record of those who did not comply, at the back of his mind he knew I had not yet wifed someone and  I had to depend of Hotel Meals, in this tough rule, he wanted to ensure that all those coins remained in the residence, once again I found myself in his bad books  and that night at 9:00PM ,lights went off in my apartment and I was forced to sleep, having realized that his Immigration reform against me would not work, he instructed that the gate be closed at 9PM and twice that week, I slept at Cheruo’s Place ,after a week,Cheruo had radicalized me enough and I had to seek an elective office, after a week I managed to convince the tenants that the best option, they elected me their caretaker ,till today, I have so far misplaced the gate keys and the gate is no longer being closed(Cheruo can now pass by my place at Five in the morning) in case he wake up in town and he has not yet cooked convincing lies for the Wife. I have ensure the Kiosk rule does not apply and Mama Santa has declared war against me, she dumps all her garbage in front of my Door and just like “Trump”, I don’t care. This is how I defeated my Donald Trump.

Share your thoughts on the comment box or get in touch on twitter @KoyoOdongo and @MagazineReel. I am on Instagram @anchorkoyo and subscribe to my You-Tube Channel (Caleb Koyo)





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